Saturday, February 14, 2009

perspectives

The last few days have been rather uneventful. Yesterday, there was sun. And not just for 20 minutes- for the entire day! I was amazed and Marine and I went bus riding and window shopping, just to be outside. Yet even more amazing was the night sky. I forgot how different it would look. There were our constellations that we're so used to looking up and seeing, but they were in different places. Orion's belt hung just above the horizon, instead of high in the sky. When I pointed it out to Louise, she reminded me that she has never seen the northern hemisphere stars before- kind of crazy to think of, huh?

When I'm at home, I try so hard to prioritize my life (don't get me wrong, I'm still prioritizing here, but that's not to difficult, as I have just school, weekend social events, and no money) but I think I may have been mistaken.

I find myself getting caught up in things so easily, and not being able to fairly self-evaluate until I'm out of the situation. That is what I find myself now doing.

I'm left wondering if I had my priorities (in no particular order) of family, school, work, friends, and personal growth in the right order. I'm left wondering if I should have studied more or better or if what I was doing was sufficient. I'm left wondering if I should have actually told that person that I would miss them so much next year. I'm left wondering if I couldn't have sacrificed just one weekend to catch up with old friends and if I could have spent just one more night sitting in a restaurant on Franklin St with new friends. I'm left wondering if I did favors for people because I genuinely wanted to see them happy or because I thought it would make them like me more. I'm left wondering if I could have been a better musician, when I stopped learning each time because I was scared to try something and fail.

As I have a few months left away from home, I will continue to mull over these choices and figure out what I need to do next year. How I need to get involved and what I can cut back on. What I do know already is that I'm treasuring the days that I'm driving down the highway, worrying about getting a tan line from the seat belt because it's summer and the top's down, blasting the music, with my friends. I hope that I'll get to see my Simon again and take him to the park one more time. And I know that while Kayla and I will have our difficulties figuring out how to be roommates again this summer, we're going to have a "totally awesome" summer.
I mean, look how far we've already come.


"Whose work is it but your own to open your eyes? But indeed the business of the universe is to make such a fool out of you that you will know yourself for one, and begin to be wise."
-George MacDonald, Lilith


peace.

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